Monday, November 3, 2008

Sad to go, but...

I've decided to take a break - probably a long break from posting on this blog. I started this blog at a time in my life when I was needing a journaling outlet. At times it was definitely that for me and at others I continued to hold in my feelings and not blog about them. Currently I am struggling to keep up with two separate blogs. I have decided to let this blog go for a while and see what I think. I will continue to blog on issues that pop into my head on our family blog - Readers of this blog, (I hope I have some despite the low number of comments! - I know, some of you are shy and hate to leave your opinion - it's okay) please join me on my other blog!

I must leave on a happy note:

Yes, Chris and I are expecting at the end of June. Praise God! What a journey it has been. Miracle baby #2 is on his or her way. Thank you for your prayers. Those of you still struggling to conceive, know you are in my thoughts and prayers and very dear to my heart. The memory of the struggle never fades!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

TV/Computer Time

I've always been a bit paranoid about allowing Kate to watch TV. I know I am probably overboard about it, but I just don't want her to grow up wanting to sit in front of the television. I also happen to think that society has gotten weigh to inactive and kids spend too much time watching TV, playing video games, and the computer. In saying all of that, there are times that I wish Kate would sit in front of the TV for like 20 minutes!! I really need not worry about television, because she typically will not sit still long enough to even watch a short episode of anything on PBS. Anyway, that's my thoughts on TV.

Now for computer. I did not even grow up with a computer in my house and today I would guess most households have at least one computer. We have a computer at home and Chris has a laptop. I try to do my internet/computer work during naptime, but there are those days that I induge myself while Kate is awake (destroying our bedroom while I indulge!!). One day I decided I would see if there were any toddler type games online that she might enjoy - guess what, there are. So, as strict as I may sound, Kate and I occasionally sit down and play computer games. I want to share the website I found that Kate loves - some of you may already be aware of it: - not rocket science since they have a huge market for preschool toys!

Whatever your opinion about television and computer, there must be a happy medium.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

No Judgement From Me!

Okay, so I was totally one of those ladies who, before I had my own children, might have thought, "Why don't you control your child? Man, you must really be a pushover. My kids will never act that way in public!"

Well, as a mommy of an 18 month old, I'm here to tell you, those thoughts are completely gone. I have had some embarrassing moments this week in places like Wal-Mart and Babies R US to name a few. Oh and who can forget the restaurant visit where we went to the front to "play" the games. At least it doesn't require money to pacify yet!

So, what brings this post today? While visiting Babies R Us to get a few things that I could only find there (we rarely go here these days!) Kate grew impatient as we waited for a cashier. I allowed her to get out of the cart (big mistake - I should know this by now!!). We managed fine for a while, but she was not ready to leave the store and definitely did not want to be carried. I proceded to leave the store with a screaming child over my shoulder and in the parking lot I got flailed by an arm and my glasses flew across the parking lot. Oh, how it took every ounce of patients not to yell and be ugly to Kate - I really wanted to, but wait, I am not 18 months old, I am a grown women. I would never want someone to question my ability to control my frustration, parenting at this point - maybe. On a different occasion while at Wal Mart I came so close to leaving a full cart of groceries. I would have, but we had been gone for two weeks, so I had nothing at home and couldn't imagine starting over. Kate had a short nap that day, so I was a little more prepared for a meltdown, but still totally embarrassing and the critical eyes that burn your back!!

Some of you probably have your own philosophy as to what parents should do in these situations and some of you might even think I need to be a better disciplinary - maybe I do. Others of you are cracking up right now because you have totally been there and agree with me that although your child can be difficult at times, at the end of the day you still love them and they have so many great qualities that an occasional meltdown in public might just be okay! Wherever you stand on this issue really doesn't matter, just remember you might be "that" mother one day. So, next time you see an unruly child, watch your gaze - I know I will!

I never want to sound negative towards Kate, so please don't take this as me complaining about her. I cherish her and though sometimes she may be difficult I would not change who she is, her personality, her fireball attitude and determination to do things herself for anything!! I love you, Kate.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008


My grandma was the greatest. She left this world 3 1/2 years ago and she is truly missed. I know she is dancing and singing in heaven and making everyone laugh. I am so grateful for the legacy she leaves behind. My grandma loved butterflies - I never asked her why, but I would guess that she loved the freedom they have. Butterflies have quite a complicated beginning and do not start out all that pretty (a catapillar is not much to be desired), but in their full development they are beautiful and develop the freedom to fly wherever they wish. This seems much like we as Christians. In the beginning we are covered with sin, but when we allow Jesus to take that sin from us and ask Him to live within us, we are like a butterfly - free to fly. I imagine Grandma loved butterflies because of what they can resemble. Every time I see a butterfly I think of my grandma and I feel as though she might just be watching us. One afternoon there was a butterfly hovering over Kate's slide - it stayed there for a long time. I had to take a picture and thought I would share it with you. I hope you have someone in your life that has brought you lots of joy and meaning. Be thankful - we are rapidly approaching that time of year!

Monday, October 20, 2008


Sorry it's been a while - I was getting better at posting regularly just when my sweet baby girl got an awful virus. Read in explicit detail on my other blog:

Last week I had a dream I was on The Biggest Loser. Most of you know I love this show and how it changes people's lives. In my dream I weighed in and had gained 10 pounds - this was the worst nightmare of my life. I have issues with my weight and eating, etc. etc. - what women doesn't right? Anyway, after the weigh in I was below the yellow line with last year's runner-up (she had gotten fat again) - isn't this hillarious. I was just sure I was going home, but I'll never know if I did because I was awakened by my sick little girl - that's okay, my nightmare needed to come to an end. The funniest part of my dream was how I had to get back to my room. I had to climb up an elevator type of thing backwards - I fell down more than once - that's all of the dream I remember. This is actually a lot of detail for my dreams. I usually don't remember them.

Dreams are fun - they allow your mind to create things you never knew existed in your mind. What's your latest dream? Good night, dream well!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

A Baby Story

So here I am hanging out at my sister's house catching up on some TV. I don't have cable at home, so I don't really watch much TV, but today after Kate went down for her nap I turned on the TV while I indulged myself with a little bit of my addiction - Cappucino Chunky Chocolate Frozen Yogurt from Braums. It's the best! I always turn the TV to TLC knowing I'll like what is on. There it was - A Baby Story. I thought to myself do I really want to watch this knowing my circumstances right now - could I take it without tears and a mild case of depression afterwards? Well I did. The tears almost came at the very end when mommy was holding new baby and I thought back to how I felt when Kate was so tiny and placed in my arms, but I held them off and I'm not the least bit depressed as we speak - wishful yes. Maybe this journey of infertility is getting a little less heart wrenching. It is still very difficult and I hate it, but I am growing through this journey. How I have changed in the past few months and by God's grace he is teaching me to allow him to have full reign in my life.

Chris and I could use your prayers. We are seriously looking into adoption and want to follow God's direction. I still have not found peace in the fertility treatments that were recommended by my fertility doctor. I am continuing to pray about it and honestly I am begging God to give me peace because I want a baby soooo bad, but I cannot allow myself to go through treatments knowing it is not what God has for me. I know that right now might just not be the right time for us and that could be leading to the lack of peace, but I also know that God has bigger plans than what any of us can ever see or imagine. Who knows what he has in store for us. Whether it be to birth more children or adopt, I know God is looking out for my best!

If I have any new readers that struggle with fertility, be sure to check out my post titled Hot Topic... Infertility. I hope you find it encouraging. Check back often, I'm sure this topic will come up again - obviously it is on my mind ofte!

Monday, October 13, 2008

Saving $$$ Tips

I'm not a real thrifty person by any means, but I do make an attempt to save $$$ where I can. I make a list each week and try to buy only what is on the list. I decided going to the gorcery store/Wal Mart once a week was best because I was more likely to stick to the list if it was shorter! I am not a name brand fanatic unless I really like it better, but I do buy healthy food (fresh fruits and vegetables, lean meat, etc.) I do my best to save money where I can, but right now I need to save more!! I have some friends that are much more thrifty than I and I think I might start playing the thriftiness game. I guess there are things that you can do at Walgreens and CVS and even some coupon type stuff. Anyway, in saying all of this if you have any suggestions on how to save a little $$$, I would love to hear what you do. Here is a link I picked up from a friends blog that was recommended to her I looked at it and it does have lots of $$$ saving tips. Good luck bargain shoppers!